“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Surely you heard this as a child. It’s easy to repeat, but hard to digest. Who said the hurtful words doesn’t matter. There’s no denying it. Words matter, and words can hurt. Being aware of the importance of language when you speak to yourself, and others, is a game changer that promotes compassion and acceptance.
Unfortunately, you may find it easier to be kind and compassionate to others while speaking harshly to yourself—or being less accepting of your own flaws than you are of others. Just knowing that using words positively can turn this around is worth investigating the “how.”
Promote empathy and understanding. Compassionate language fosters empathy. When you use words that convey understanding and kindness, you open space for more meaningful connections and for others to feel safe in your company. You leave them feeling heard and understood.
Encourage help-seeking behavior. Nonjudgmental language can encourage people to seek help or come back to you in the future when they need help. It can also encourage them to take chances and reach out to/communicate with others that can also be of help.
Empower people. Positive language empowers. Focusing on strengths and resilience reinforces a sense of self-worth and an ability to succeed. When you are forgiving and understanding of yourself and others, it allows movement through challenging times rather than a feeling of being stuck.
Be kind to yourself. Noticing and challenging the tape that plays in your head, or your self-talk, can reduce anxiety and depression. Altering your internal dialog and talking to yourself the way you support your family and/or friends can shift your mindset and improve your emotional wellbeing.
Recognize negative self-talk. Start by paying attention to your thoughts. Notice when you engage in self-critical or pessimistic thinking. Common negative phrases include I should have, I’m not good enough, or this always happens to me.
Challenge negative thoughts. Once you identify negative self-talk, challenge it. Ask yourself these questions. Is this thought based on facts or assumptions? Would I say this to a friend in the same situation? What evidence supports or contradicts this thought?
Replace them with positive alternatives. Replace anxious or destructive thoughts with calming and constructive ones. Use the “catch it, challenge it, change it” approach.
Catch it. Recognize the negative thought - Oh, that again.
Challenge it. Evaluate its accuracy and validity.
Change it. Replace it with a more helpful thought.
Use And instead of But. Using “and” acknowledges both positive and negative aspects, promoting balance. Instead of saying, “I’m worried about the presentation, but I’ll fail,” try, “I’m worried about the presentation, and I’ll prepare thoroughly.”
Affirmations and positive statements. Create positive affirmations to counter negative self-talk. I can handle challenges. I am resilient and adaptable. I deserve happiness and peace.
Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness helps you see thoughts without judgment. When negative thoughts arise, acknowledge them without getting entangled. Let them pass like clouds.
Reduce stigma. The language you use can either perpetuate or reduce stigma. For instance, when discussing substance use disorders, using stigmatizing language such as addict or junkie can discourage people from seeking help.
Self-talk influences your emotions and behaviors. By being more intentional with your language to yourself as well as others, you can reduce anxiety, improve mood, and build resilience.
Do you struggle with negative talk? Could your emotional wellbeing use a boost? Your mental health is as important as your physical health. Take the time to take care of yourself and make an appointment with the behavioral health specialists at Viaro—here to help, where you can expect better.
Angela Smith
Behavioral Health Specialist, ViaroCare
For questions or comments, contact wellness@viarohealth.com